I just wanted to take a moment to thank you. I know I am writing this a month late, but January 2011 experienced your residual effect. I had to process everything before I could write to you! You were a year full of surprises, both good and bad, but you were a daily gift and I feel honored to have gotten to know you.
You started out rough by calling home my Uncle John. I woke up as if it was a normal day on January 25th. I drove to school and right as I pulled into the parking lot, I got a text from my cousin Audrey telling me her Papa had passed. Our entire family knew this day was coming and we did our best to prepare for it, but the loss of a loved one is always crushing and this moment was not any different. Upon getting the message, I realized I was in a place far away from my family when I desperately needed someone to wrap their loving arms around me and let me cry. I called Kira right away and she went in to mentor/friend mode. She knew exactly what I needed. She wrapped her arms around me and helped me get ready for my sub. As I sat in my classroom in a state of disbelief, my first student walked in for the morning. He looked at me and knew something was wrong. I don’t know if it was instinctual, or Uncle John from Heaven sending support, but Robert didn’t even ask what was wrong. He just hugged me. As all my first hour students started rolling in, I found myself in the midst of the largest high school group hug I have ever experienced! I told them about my Uncle. They were all able to empathize because most of these sweet kids have experienced severe loss themselves. As we sat solemnly in my classroom waiting for the sub, it became very clear to me that I wasn’t far away from my family at all! In fact, I was among an entirely new family I had unknowingly created for myself. A family that leaves me everyday at 1:30, a family that I don’t see an entire summer, but a family that I love deeply nonetheless. Although they couldn’t go through photos with me and tell stories about my Uncle John (which is how I spent the rest of the day with my Aunties and Cousins), they could cry with me, hug me, and hope that I find peace and comfort quickly. As much as that day was about terrible loss, it was also about the blessings I have found in the people that I keep close to me.
By the way, we just passed the year mark of Uncle John’s passing. I spent the day in reflection and felt honored to get to say a prayer with my Aunt Cheryl in the church that my Uncle regularly attended. I still miss him dearly.
*Jess, Caela, Sheena and I sang this song at Uncle's memorial service. I recorded it a year later.*
Losing Uncle John wasn’t the only loss you brought me. February passed by with little drama (at least as much as I can remember) and we found ourselves in March. The entire month passed with a pretty normal routine, until the last day. My second class of the day had just rolled in and found their seats. The bell rang, and they wrote in their journals while I took attendance. I looked in the seat that was normally occupied by Juan and saw that it was empty. I marked him absent on my attendance sheet and stood up to start class. About five minutes in to class there was a knock on the door. I went out in the hall to talk to Mark (the school psychologist) and he handed me a piece of paper. He asked me if I could make an announcement to my class. I could tell by his tone that this was not a good thing. I started reading the piece of paper. “Juan Rodriguez passed away early this…” I started shaking and the rest of the sheet got blurry. Mark asked me if I needed him to make the announcement, but I turned down the offer. I wanted to tell my students. I took a couple deep breaths, walked into the classroom, and burst into tears. My students stared at me, waiting patiently for me to gain composure. You could see the worry in their eyes. Jasmine, one of my most intuitive students, looked right at Juan’s (Johnny’s) desk and started crying. “Juan Rodriguez passed away early this morning.” I could feel the cold air seep into the classroom as the chills ran up my spine. We all looked at the seat Juan was supposed to be in and said nothing.
What happened to Juan is a long story. He made some choices along the way that probably weren’t the best, but we all have done that. Unfairly, his choices resulted in loss of life. The hand of another took Juan’s life from him and I miss him every time I walk into my classroom. Juan passed the day before my 28th birthday. I will celebrate his life while I am celebrating my own for the rest of my years. Juan made me realize that part of my identity now lies in the lives of my students. I love them and will always care what happens to them.
Fortunately, the entire year was not about loss. I was definitely having a hard time coping, but with every tear that I shed, a light found its way to my path. As the year rolled on, I found myself in the midst of “The Summer of the Buddy.” I got to experience baseball games, porch drinking, and Taos trips with the greatest new friends. Twitter people that I met through Becky, people that kept me thinking and laughing. These new friends proved themselves to be unique, supportive, and like-minded and I quickly found myself in love with them all. My love affair is strong to this day and I’m so glad that Becky and I took “Summer of the Buddy” seriously!
This summer didn’t just provide new friends though. It also strengthened relationships that I already cherished. I got to spend a week with many of my amazing family members in Hawaii and celebrate the love of Jess and Jake. Jess has been my best friend for years, so getting to be part of this magnificent day was an honor! We laughed, we cried, we held our dresses down in the wind, and we jumped in the ocean (not in that exact order). Each moment was magnificent and I’m fortunate that I got to experience it. Plus, I got to spend many hours with Audrey and Jonny and who doesn’t love that beautiful duo?
You were also an extraordinary year because of the goals that I reached before you ended. I finished my Master's Degree. I am now a master of Secondary Education Curriculum and Instruction!
I also bought my first house (along with my parents) and moved back to the North side.
You want to know how everything ended? With my parents! They came in to town at the end to celebrate Christmas. I woke up every morning to my Papa drinking his coffee on the couch or my Mama in her cute little spandex jumping around to her Kathy Smith workout video. I felt like a little girl living under her parent’s roof again. And as close as I got to letting that make me crazy, I chose not to let it. Instead, I soaked up every moment with them. They made my house not so quiet for a couple weeks. We filled the time with glasses of wine, sing-alongs around the piano, homemade dinners around the table, and arduous games of Scrabble.
2010, I could ramble on and on about you and all your many gifts, but it’s about time for me to get moving on with my day. I guess what I will leave you with is a big thank you. Thank you for grounding me and making me appreciate life. Thank you for always giving even when taking away. Thank you for ushering me through the months with grace.
Please put in a good word with 2011 for me! I would like life to keep traveling this winding road…
lovemaura
P.S. 2010, will you please remind me to write a blog about my trip to Guanajuato and about the time I spent with my family in WI over Thanksgiving? Thanks!
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