Weight Loss Rant

I'm on vacation in Florida. I'm supposed to be enjoying my family, but instead I'm sitting in a rented room alone. This sucks. I'm floating in a pool of self-pity right now so I am choosing to write my feelings and hoping that will relieve some of my woes.

It all begins with weight. None of my immediate family has ever in their life struggled with weight. They're thin. They eat what and how they want (just like I have always done) and don't gain weight in the same way I do. I learned eating habits from them. I don't blame them; I am solely responsible for my own behavior. I do however wish they wouldn't have introduced me to these habits!

I have been working hard on trying to maintain a Weight Watchers diet. In 5 weeks I have lost 20 lbs and I think that is an incredible accomplishment. I want to keep up the good work, but in order to do that, I have to practice will power. I knew going on vacation was going to be a major challenge because my family's idea of quality time is normally around the kitchen table. I saw the challenge coming so I prepared. I stocked the fridge in our rented room with all the makings of a healthy diet. In order to not deprive myself, I have been eating out or having a nice meal once a day. I think I'm doing a good job following the weight loss guidelines and maintaining a healthy diet, but I am having to make food choices that I wish I wasn't.

Herein lies my frustration. After a delicious sushi lunch, we went on a cruise up and down the Florida coast. There were appetizers and I steered clear of them as much as possible. I ate a lot of fruit and one slice of tortilla wrap to ease the hunger pangs. Other then that, I was on my game. However, having very few food points left for the day, I realized that I was going to have to eat back at the room for dinner. Once we got off the boat, my parents and siblings chose to go out, and I had to make the choice to go home. They dropped me off at the door and turned around to enjoy my favorite thing in the world to do...experience new food in new cities and see what kind of authentic dining there is around this world.

I think my sister recognized how much this situation sucks for me. She commented that she didn't like dropping me off at the condo. She spoke for me when my parents wondered why I wanted to go back. But despite the empathy, even she made the decision to go out. She told me something along the lines of, "Maura, you're on vacation. Don't worry about it so much." My response was, "I know, but if I'm going to do this, I have to do this." I would've really loved them to support me by staying with me and changing their eating option, but that's not what happened. It's kind of a drastic comparison, but if I was a struggling drug addict, this would be like them leaving me alone so they could go out and do all my favorite drugs! I know, I know. I'm being over dramatic. I realize that my family shouldn't have to change their habits because I need to change mine. I just selfishly wish that they would want to support me by mimicking my actions.

Oh well. I guess on vacation I could make the decision to be more lax about a diet, but I don't want to...at least not until I reach my goal weight and learn to live a healthy lifestyle. I've made excuses for 29 years and it's time for that to stop. I will continue to work through this struggle and stop expecting people to hold me up. I guess when it comes down to it, I really am on my own in this. I put the weight on by myself so now I have to take it off by myself.
lovemaura