When It Don't Come Easy ... A Year of Maintenenace

As this blog budded in my head, I could not help but think about what maintenance means. I have spent an entire year focusing on "maintaining" my goal weight. This means that I fought an honorable battle against obesity and won, and I never want to go back. In that sense maintenance means to do everything in my power to get my weight to stabilize at 155 pounds. For some reason, I manifested that idea of maintenance and let it control me, which paralyzed my ability to be flexible. I must stay exactly as I am in this exact moment in order to never let my weight change again is what I have been thinking. Well that's a huge load of HORSE SHIT!

On July 14th, 2012, the exact moment I stepped on the scale and wept with joy because of a (silly) scale validation, life was perfect. I had an exciting man in my life who had me floating on the clouds. I had experienced multiple milestone successes within my journey to live a healthier life, which in turn kept me distracted from the things that comprised my health in the first place. I had just gotten into my summer break groove where the stresses of being a teacher were weeks behind me and too far ahead of me to be a concern. I had a team of amazing friends engaged in the journey with me. I had glorious international vacations in my near future. Of course life in this state is "maintainable!"

But what about when the perfect storm subsides? What does it mean to maintain then?

main·tain

tr.v. main·tained, main·tain·ing, main·tains

1. To keep up or carry on; continue: maintain good relations.

2. To keep in an existing state; preserve or retain: maintain one's composure.

3. To keep in a condition of good repair or efficiency: maintain two cars.

4.

a. To provide for; support: maintain a family.

b. To keep in existence; sustain: enough food to maintain life.

5. To defend or hold against criticism or attack: maintained his stand on taxes.

6. To declare to be true; affirm: maintained her innocence.

7. To adhere or conform to; keep: maintain a busy schedule.

It is definitely not as simple as "to keep in an existing state." It more so fits in with the definitions that allow for flexibility ("to defend or hold against attack" or "to keep in good condition") and resilience ("to carry on" or "to keep in existence, sustain"). 

Maintaining a healthy lifestyle is nothing short of a miracle! I have managed for one year (and the 10 months it took me to lose 83 pounds) to fight my old habits, but I am far from fixing them. This year did not come easy, but I survived it. Maintenance was not so easy when my relationship hit turmoil; when my grandparents got sick; when the milestone, weight-loss successes subsided; when the days grew shorter and the school year felt drearily long; when the workout routine grew boring; or when my support system of amazing ladies drifted apart because life was taking them for bumpy rides as well. But this is what happens in life. When it's good or bad, life continues. I can't expect things to remain in their existing state. Instead I have to understand what I want from good physical health so intimately that I can flow just as life does.

So, I think it's time for me to stop thinking of this as maintenance and just think of it as life. How do I want to live? How do I want to feel? And, as I change everyday, how can I live my life in a way that accommodates the answers to those questions? That will be what I work on during year two.

lovemaura