Finishing What I Started

I did it! I'm finally here! GGGGGOOOOOOAAAAAALLLLLL!!!! (Please imagine that being yelled aloud by a soccer announcer at the end of a long World Cup game!) I sat down this morning to look at the ten goals I set for myself at the beginning of this weight loss journey and cried tears of happiness at all I accomplished. So, if you care to, please revisit them with me and see them as proof that you can set and reach your own goals too.

1. I want to enjoy dressing myself every morning, and going shopping for new clothes at more than one plus size store.

I knew that shopping would be different. I knew that I would have to buy new clothes, but I never realized how much fun it would be to bounce from store to store and dance around in dressing rooms! I was always one of those girls who claimed to hate shopping, but I realize now that was only because of how much I hated finding clothes I felt good in. Now my tone has changed. I LOVE SHOPPING! I just want to try on every dress in Forever 21, and I really love getting dressed in the morning or planning my outfit for the next day. And, might I add, that playing dress up in my sister's closet makes me feel like the first time I danced around in on of my mama's pair of high heels.

2. I want to like seeing myself in photos.

Social media, specifically Facebook, has been the bane of my photogenic existence. I could control all of the photos I chose to put on my page, but I couldn't control the images that my friends would tag me in. The photos I posted were always carefully shot to show the parts of my body I was proud of and hide everything else. I know the angle to shoot a photo to make a face appear thinner or a chest appear plumper, but most of my friends don't so when they would tag photos of me they would always seem unflattering. Insert downward spiral of self-hate! Seeing candid shots someone else took of me was like seeing myself through their eyes and I often found myself embarrassed or ashamed by how I looked. I set up my profile to not let them tag me in photos until I approved them, but that didn't change how I saw myself when I looked at their photos! Well, that's not a problem anymore. The last 7 months or so, I have been proud to see myself from every angle. I like how I look, even with the camera's ten added pounds! ;)

3. I want to have high cardio exercise be part of my daily routine so that I can keep up with my friends and family during physically active social activities.

I love to eat...A LOT...and I figured out that on the Weight Watchers program that if I wanted to eat more than I needed to exercise and earn more activity points. So, that's just what I did. I started walking, running, biking, dancing, yogaing (don't judge my word choice!), swimming, weight lifting, hiking, really just doing any activity I could find to rack up those extra points every week! Even though my motivation was to have more points to eat, the benefits of physical activity spread out across my life.   I really can engage in physically challenging activities along with my friends and family now without feeling left behind. In fact, I've started lapping some of them! I never thought it would be them trying to catch up with me!

4. I want to balance my physical, mental and spiritual health.

I have to credit most of this goal to my yoga practice, but it still connects to my weight loss journey because the more I lost, the more I was able to sink deeper into my practice. You can look back through my blogs and see how much yoga has really affected me. Physically, my body is so incredibly tone now! I went in to meet a new personal trainer last week and he told me to step up to one of the weight machines. I stood in front of it completely perplexed because I didn't know how to use it or where to even start. He looked at me with an unknowing expression and asked, "If you don't know how to use this machine, then how did you develop those muscles in your leg?" Yoga, that's how! Mentally, yoga has helped keep my brain quiet. It gives me a moment to focus on my breath and completely retard the rushing thoughts that normally consume me. Spiritually, yoga connects me to the earth and that's where I feel like most of my spirituality has come from lately. It helps me to remember that I'm just one small player in a much bigger spiritual realm, but that my value is still incredibly great.

5. I want to be able to go hiking on more difficult trails or backpacking for long weekends.

Just a couple of weeks back, I got the chance to prove my hiking chops and I am super proud of myself. I would like to get into it even more, but for my first major hike, I felt like I was on point! In the past when I would hike with my family, I was always the one in the back. My mama or papa would get ahead and then fall back to make sure I was okay. If I wasn't whining the whole time out loud, I sure was in my head! I hated being this way. I feel connected to the Earth and I don't want it to be too rough for me to fully engage myself with it. Turns out it's not! After a climb up to Mohawk Lake that would have normally killed me, I sat down to have lunch with my mama. She turned to me overjoyed and said, "I was climbing those rocks back by the waterfall imagining what it would be like to carry 70 extra pounds up this hill and I realized why hiking has always been so hard for you. I'm really proud of you, Maura." She nailed my sentiments right on the head!

6. I want to feel comfortable in my own body.

You know those days when you try on everything in your closet and you still don't feel like you have anything to wear? If you think about it enough, you can always correlate those days to a negative emotion you're feeling about yourself. I use to have them all the time. I'd bind myself up with Spanx or other slimming undergarments and then slip in to jeans that just felt constricting. Then I'd get in my car and feel stuffed. I wouldn't feel comfortable sitting at my desk at work or trying to sit in one of the students' desks. Then I'd get home, lay on the couch and still feel uncomfortable. I haven't had one of those days in months and I don't miss them! I love that I can fold up and fit in smaller spaces, that I can wear clothes that don't feel restricting, and that I can be comfortable sitting still! I am finally comfortable IN my body!

7. I want to be proud of myself for accomplishing the one goal I have struggled with most of my adult life.

There's really nothing in life that a positive attitude can't fix. I know that seems a little cliche, but I still believe that it's true. For this goal specifically, the closer I got to it, the more positive I became and the more I knew I could reach it! And, as you can see, I made it! Having accomplished this goal (the hardest thing I have ever had to overcome because of how individual the experience had to be) has helped me realize that I really can do anything I set my sights on!

8. I want to stop using food as a crutch.

Guys, I'm not gonna lie, I'm not all the way there yet with this goal. Fortunately, I am learning! It would be silly of me to think that reaching my goal weight was the end of this journey, so I'm glad I still have a goal to focus on while I practice the art of maintenance. I have already come light years in learning to control food instead of letting food control me, but I still break down at times and find my way back to my old vices. I have not completely won the battle with food yet, but I will find a healthy balance soon. I know it.

9. I want my weight loss journey to not be a diet, but the development of a healthy lifestyle that I will carry with me until I die.

If I consider the fact that 11 months ago my daily routine was focused around sedentary activities and what I was going to eat while laying around, then I have already accomplished this goal! I'm always moving, making healthy food choices has become second nature (although, as stated above, I'm still learning to act on the choices I know how to make!), and knowing how to take care of my body is my new focus. Learning to maintain this weight will be the best way to seal in my healthy lifestyle practice. I figure it took me 10 months to lose the weight, so it should take me at least that long to learn to maintain it. Plus, we have a freaking obesity epidemic in this country and I don't want to contribute to it any longer! So, I won't! Healthy lifestyle, meet Maura.

10. I want the confidence that I have in myself to shine through my skin so that the world can see it when it looks back at me!

For the first time in my teenage and adult life I'm proud of my body and I feel like my outer shell is really allowing my inner beauty to radiate. Don't get me wrong... I don't feel like it took me becoming skinny for my inner beauty to shine, but it did require me feeling confident and healthy to let my spirit emanate from my body and that's just what this road to becoming healthy helped me find. I love who I am, mind, body, and spirit, and based on the response I'm getting from the people around me, that is apparent!

So I have to say to myself, "Maura, you are amazing. You proved to the toughest audience, yourself, that you could accomplish what you set your mind to. Take what you learned from this and grow. Keep working on who you are and who you want to become. Set yourself a new goal now because there's nothing that can stop you!"
lovemaura