The Last Month and a Half

It has been a crazy start to the summer. I was hoping that it would be more relaxing than it has been, but that was not in the cards for me! Now that things have slowed down, I get to look back at the entire thing and see how incredible the people in my life are!

It all started with a student getting in a motorcycle accident at school. It was a shock to everyone, and I realized that teaching is not just pedagogy skills, but also a bit of counseling. My students were really crushed at the idea of death, as to be expected (which one of us isn't?). It just seemed as hard as it was for them because of their age. When you are 13 years old, the world revolves around you (not much has changed for some adults!) and you don't think about death happening to you or the people close to you. When it does happen, reality is crushing.

As soon as this ended, it was time for me to move. It came more abruptly than I expected so I was bouncing around on couches for a month. I liked to tell people that I was homeless, but we all know that I have many people in my life who would never let that happen. (So, if I told you that, I was exaggerating!)

Shortly after my first week of living out of a laundry basket, my grandfather passed away. After helping my students face death, it was my turn. I didn't handle it well at first. When he was moved into the hospice where patients go to die, I didn't want to visit. I couldn't handle it. I made 8 billion excuses why. Maybe some of them were valid, but the reality is that I didn't know how to feel, how to act, or what to think because of the history of my family. I just didn't go because it was easier for me (selfish, I know). Well, I eventually went to visit with my sister (she knew how hard it was for me). I knew I needed to say goodbye. I didn't stay long, we rolled him outside, we sang to him, and my sister and I left.

Now, the time is getting closer for him to pass. The nurses checked his vitals regularly and they predicted a few days. They said they would be able to tell when we were down to hours. So, my mother came home from Michigan early. She was the only one who hadn't gotten the chance to say goodbye. She called me as soon as she got there, "I need you to bring me some clothes. I didn't realize that I was going to spend the night at the hospice." I told her I would bring her the clothes, but I didn't want to stay because it was too hard for me to be there. When I got there, she made sure I knew her beliefs, "Maura, it doesn't matter the life someone has lived. No one should be on their death bed alone if there are people around who can help it." I understand that we all die alone (no one can come with us), but the journey there shouldn't be lonely. The nurse came in while my Mama and I were sitting there and told us that it looked like he had only a few hours left. We called Aunt Laura and Angel (who had been there the most) and they came down. We rolled Grandpa out under the stars and sang to him for hours. We rolled him back in at about 11:00 pm and I left to take care of the dogs at the place I was house sitting. I knew that he was going to die right after I left, but my Mama was there with her sister. As I sat on the couch alone at Micah and Jill's, I knew he died. At a little after 1:00 am, I felt a chill and my stomach dropped. I knew he was with Grandma...and I fell asleep.

The next week, I started summer school. 8 hours a day, Monday through Thursday. I know that doesn't sound like much, but grad school classes are already a heightened work load, and factor in a condensed class! I didn't come up for air for three weeks! Once it was done, I was relieved. I managed to get all the work done (except for one paper I am still procrastinating to complete!) and I got to move into my new apartment at the very end of my classes!

Now I am in a new place. By myself. And, I feel amazing! I have gotten to buy new furniture and decorate a place with stuff that is all MINE! For the first time in years, a place of my own. I lived at my parents, I lived with an old boyfriend, I lived with Sheena, and then I moved in with Audrey. Each one of these places was home to someone else and I was just a guest. Not that I don't appreciate those who let me in every step of the way (because it is how I got to this point), but it was very hard to have only a bedroom of my own. Now I'm here, on Acoma, and I LOVE it! I have gotten to invite my friends and family over, leave underwear on the kitchen floor (it doesn't last long, but I just do it to because there isn't anyone around that it might bother!) It just feels good to be on my own. At first, the idea of living by myself was terrifying, but I have had a lot of amazing company since I moved in.
I am truly blessed with amazing friends and family. They have held my hands this last month. They have celebrated with me, and they have cried with me. They have helped move boxes and they have helped wash the dishes. But mostly, they have been a support, and without them, I would not have survived the past couple months. To all who helped, thank you for being my strength!
lovemaura